Pretending
by ILoveKH
Summary: "You'd act like you don't love me while I pretend that I don't love you either." - Sora's point of view in loving a selfish Kairi. XxSoKaixX with slight XxRiKaixX


**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. **

**This just came to me all of the sudden soooo….Enjoy!**

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I could feel it.

The end is coming near.

You were screaming at me with so much anger and hatred dripping in every word. Papers, pillows, books, even your Iphone are flying towards my body. The pain I felt in every part of me, I shook it off. I know I should be begging on my knees and plead for you to forgive me. But instead, I picked my stupid idea and fought back. I shouted back, giving you words that you don't like. I thought you were going to fight back but was surprised when you cried instead.

You ran out of my sight then slammed the door shut. I know you're not going to plan on letting me sleep next to you tonight, so I shrug my jacket off and lie down on the sofa. It wasn't my fault why I was late to come home. It wasn't my fault that my friends and I got a get together after how many years. I faced the the other side and photos greeted me.

I can't say I miss the day we had our first date. Under the oak tree where we had picnic for two. I brought my guitar with me and sang you something you like. The lyrics that I know mean so much to you and me. The kisses we shared that can make my heart melt. Those touches that heats my passion. The cuddles we do every night. But we both know that was back then, right?

Lately, we haven't gone out properly. If we do, something always comes up to you and you'd cancel it leaving me with flowers in my hand. I never got to kiss you more often. I never got to hug you anymore. And we rarely do things that we always do. You forgot our 5th anniversary, you forgot my birthday, and you forgot to say the three words I yearn to hear every time I came home.

For short, you've changed.

I didn't realize that sleep came to me that night. The moment I woke up, the first thing that I saw was you and your pink dress. I was surprised that you were wearing your favorite purple skirt. I remember you saying that you always wear this whenever we go out. I asked you where you are going, hoping that you'll say that we'll go visit the amusement park and forget about last night. But you said that you're meeting up with a friend and won't come back until midnight. I don't know why you tried to look pretty today even though I'm not going to be there. Are you trying to impress someone else? Are you trying to break my heart without me knowing?

But you already left.

Without a single goodbye, take care or even a kiss on the lips.

I was left alone at the living room wearing my old clothes from last night. Even from this situation, you never even cover me with a warm blanket like you do whenever I end up sleeping here when we had a fight. I was left alone cold…with no one to turn to. You left me thinking. You left me asking myself.

"Do you even love me?" I whispered.

I don't even understand. Whenever you go out to parties, I never get mad. I always wait for you at this exact position even though it's morning. I would welcome you with open arms and a kiss that makes you smile. But when it comes to me you would scream, shout, say bad things to me, tell me I'm irresponsible that I didn't care if I ruin your beauty sleep. Sometimes you'd even tell me that I'm seeing someone else.

Then I'll ask you a question. Do you not have any faith in me? Do you think that I would turn my back against you and do other women? Don't you think that you're overacting? I am already choking from your care. But I still tried to breathe because I have faith in you. Because I have faith in this relationship.

You were an angel when I met you. Now, I don't know what to call you anymore. Maybe I was blind. But thanks to you, I can see. I can already see the things that are going to happen between us. The late fights are just the start. But I can see it.

Our end.

You didn't come back the next morning. I was worried. I prepared everything last night for a make-up dinner and convinced myself to try to start our relationship over. To have a brand new start. But didn't even glance at my way. You just threw your coat at me and walked upstairs. I followed you and call you those endearments that you'd love to hear. But you just slammed the door right in my face.

I would've cried, but I didn't.

I would've got angry, but I didn't.

Because I already accepted the fact that you don't care anymore. You thought I was nuisance, so I just did what a nuisance could do. I walked back down to my original position and sat down on the sofa. I was wearing a fresh pair of clothes now. I wore my white buttoned up blouse and folded it to the sides. I left the first two unbuttoned to give her a glimpse of my well-toned chest. She likes it….. _Liked _it.

The past few months I've been crying my eyes out. But now, I accepted it. I was prepared for what's going to happen to the both of us. I was prepared for the heartbreak that's coming to me. But I didn't expect the blood that was dripping down my clothes. I gently touched the bottom of my nose with horror filled eyes. Cherry red liquid filled my fingertips that made my heart sped with fear.

After cleaning up, I drive towards the hospital without a word to you. A few examinations have been made and up comes to my judgment. I have cancer. Blood cancer to be exact. A few months, not passing another year and a few days cuts my journey with you. As I drive home, it got me thinking. If I told you my condition, then you might open your heart to me and spend my last days with you loving me.

But I don't want you to love me out of pity.

I want you to love me with your whole heart.

So every day, I continue playing your game. We've been living together for years yet you act like I was some stranger in the house. Every day you'd act like you don't love me while I pretend that I don't love you either. But sadly, I do. I still do. I want to go back to those endless nights were we stare at each other's eyes until one of us falls asleep. I want to go back to those times where you make breakfast in my bed. Those times where you kiss me on the lips to wake me up, not once did I ever forget.

You didn't seem to care for my well being. You didn't even realize that as weeks gone by, my skin has gone paler than before. I was getting weak that I can't even stand properly. But you didn't realize, don't you? Because you were busy with someone else. What? How did I know?

It was just an accident really. I didn't mean to take a peek at your phone and read the message that was meant for you. What's his name again? Riku, right? That friend of yours that you dress to impress at that time. You know what's funny?

I didn't cry.

I wasn't angry.

Instead, I was smiling. You think I'm crazy right? No. I was happy because I didn't have to be worried about you when I'm gone. I didn't have to feel guilty that I left you behind. In fact, I want to talk to this guy and tell him how lucky he is to be with you. To hold you like I would. To kiss you like I would. But even better.

Remember that night? I was feeling weak that time that I leaned my back against the wall just to walk to our-wait-your room. Drips of sweat came rolling down my chin. Breathing was hard to do now. But the moment I was in front of your room, I wiped my forehead, sucked in a huge amount of air and walked inside with a smile plaster on my face.

I saw you reading some book. You know what? You look cute whenever you're serious. Especially if you are wearing those glasses of yours. You were so caught up on your book that you didn't even notice that I was sitting beside you. When you did, you just turned your back against me and continued reading like I wasn't there in the first place.

That's when I asked you.

"Would you miss me if I'm gone?"

You answered with a straight no. You didn't even glance my way. Not one bit. It saddened me that you don't care. But I was glad that you'll be all right. I was glad that you'll be okay when I'm gone. Now I don't have to worry about you crying.

One day when I was making your breakfast, my vision dimmed and I suddenly blacked out. The plate that was meant for you broke into the cold hard floor. Maple syrup was splashed down on my fallen body. I heard you shouting. I heard you cursing my name, saying things like _Sora you clumsy idiot!_ But you stopped when you saw me, lying unconscious on the ground. Anger turned to panic as you saw blood dripping down my nose. You hurriedly rushed to my side, cradling my head like I was a baby. I felt like I was in heaven at that moment. But that was short lived when I felt two people taking me away from your touch.

When I came to, beeping noises was all I heard. I saw the white curtains waving, the air conditioner that was buzzing, and then there was you. You looked horrible. Bloodshot eyes, wrinkled skin, and a weak smile. By now, the doctor probably told you what happened to me.

You were whispering to me. Saying things that everything was going to be all right. But there's no point denying it, love. Everything comes to an end. You told me things that I already knew. Like you were cheating on me with that guy Riku. You told me that you broke up with him after you found out that he's just after you for money. My money, to be exact.

You apologized for everything that you've done. That you were one selfish b*tch for leaving me at times that I needed you most. You told me that I was everything that you wished for. But you were just too stupid not realizing it until now.

For the first time, I laughed.

I reached for your cheek and gently caressed it. You finally shut up and just closed your eyes, feeling the warmth that was radiating in my skin. Well, that was what you said. But I know it was the opposite. My hands were getting cold. Icy cold. Friends came one by one, giving me flowers and gifts that say _Get well Sora_ and _Feel better soon_.

"Get well soon, buddy. I don't want my best man to be late for the wedding, you know?" Roxas laughed. I just laughed along with him. I can't promise to be well. I can't assure my health. But for him and his fiancé, Namine, I smiled and said that I will be.

A week has passed, and I felt like an old man already. I was put on a wheelchair to my sudden discomfort and let you push me. It was late in the afternoon when I told you that I wanted to watch the sunset. Without any complains, you pushed me out to the hospital backyard and watch as the city lights started to light up.

You were behind me, wrapping those delicate arms over my neck. Together we watched as the sun goes down slowly. This was it then. I could already feel my limit. That's when you I felt something wet dripping my face. I looked up and my heart sank when I saw you cry. I asked you why and you cried harder.

"I love you, Sora." You cried. "So much." She pressed her lips against mine that sent million of sparks running through my body. I ignored the salty taste and just treasure the final moments we had together.

"Remember that question I asked you? That if you would miss me if I'm gone?" More tears broke into your eyes as you connected your forehead to mine. "Do that okay?" I whispered. My voice became raspy as I felt my throat burn.

"NoNoNo.." You shushed me then caressed my brown locks. "Stop saying that…"

"I love you, Kairi." I whispered. Then suddenly, my breathing stopped. My vision dimmed. My whole body went numb. You screamed loudly and called for anyone.

After that, I don't know what happened to your life anymore. I forgive you from all the pain that you caused me. All the troubles I've been through just to make you happy. I hate myself for leaving you and for that, I'm sorry. Maybe we'll be together one day. Where you and I will sit under that oak tree and watch the sunset together. I'll sing you love songs and rewarded me with a kiss.

One day, love. I'll wait for that one day.

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**SoKai forever! **

**Thank you for reading **


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